April 16th, 2008 Posted in American Idol, Music, Television
- Jason Castro looks like a Lilith Fair Lesbian
I'm sorry, but that's just the way it is. Actually, I'm not sorry, because it's true. If he were in a group photo with Sarah McLachlan and the gang, I would not be able to pick him out as the guy in the crowd. Also, whenever he sings, I kind of want to die. And not in the good way. I'm not at all surprised by the fact that people keep voting for him, because people are stupid, but still. He's so... not good.
- David Archuleta Is Fucking Creepy
Watching this kid on stage makes me uncomfortable. He always... ALWAYS looks as if he's JUST ABOUT to burst into tears and start screaming "DON'T HIT ME! DON'T HIT ME!" And also as if he's just wet himself. I read an article a few weeks ago that referred to him as a socially inept potato an now that's all I can see him as. He has way too much of a theater style voice to win, but he still might. Because again... people. Stupid.
- Ryan Seacrest Is the Douchiest Douche in All the Land
I refuse to acknowledge that this might actually be an unpopular opinion, but I'm putting it on the list, just in case.
- Paula Abdul's Brain Function Is at About the Same Level as that of Fly Turds
Actually, I'm fairly certain that fly poo doesn't have any brain function. Wait... that's about right. Every time that woman opens her mouth, I feel like it makes ME dumber. It's like... her evil super power. She sucks out the intelligence of everyone in the room... and she's too stupid to even think to use it for herself. How did they pick her as having opinions valid enough to judge the possibilities of someone else's future career? Was it a name-out-of-hat deal? Or more like: "Jeeves! Bring me the most vapid musical has-been you can dredge up! For they will be judge and jury and say nothing of any importance for 7 years, and yet manage to bring down the level of intelligence in America even further JUST by opening his or her mouth!"
- David Cook's Cover of Always Be My Baby Was Probably the Best Thing Ever Performed on AI
He and Carly should be the final two. I'm afraid that the potato is going to sneak in there and make the world a sad, scary place, full of urine and tears, but hopefully he... won't. I don't know. I can't decide who I'd want to see win out of those two.
