New and Exciting in the World of “That is So Fucking Creepy…”

A friend of mine told me about this tonight and I didn't believe it was real, so she sent me a link and I am now tormented by the knowledge that it is, indeed, a real product. A dildo for vampire fans. One that you can "toss in the fridge for that authentic experience" ... seriously? The fact that this thing ACTUALLY EXISTS, in a true, non-ironic sense, is so very disturbing. By the way, the dildo purchase page has a link for "expert advice" where they recommend things you may like if you buy this item. The list consists of vampire movies and TV shows. And guess what's on there?

Come on, you know it. What special vampire sparkles in the daylight like this here dildo? Did you guess Edward Cullen? Go you! They're final sell line on the page is actually: "Don't let this eclipse pass into the breaking dawn, place your order today."

Look, I'm going to be really blunt right here... anyone who likes Twilight enough to purchase this thing needs to seriously re-think their existence. They might just be too pathetic to continue on in life.

Speaking of Twilight, I'm actually at a loss as to which of the two items in this post is more disturbing. Please feel free to chime in and let me know which one gives you more nightmares. Here's that is so fucking creepy item number two:

Be safe?

Seriously? Can we talk about your mental idea of safety? And, while we're at it... sanity?

How is this book popular enough to bring about merchandise like this? And... WHO THINKS OF THESE THINGS?

I just... I mean... what???

I think I should stop now before someone tells me there's a sparkling Edward Cullen blow up doll made out of ice packs out there somewhere.