Wash Yo Ass

I've mentioned this here before, but I'm feeling the need to say it again: Axe Deodorant Spray is evil. In fact, when the oceans swallow us and the planet implodes, I think we'll be able to safely say that Axe Deodorant Spray was on the immediate short list of Things Responsible for the Downfall of Civilization (other things on this list include, but are not limited to: Reality Television, Clothing for Pets, Fox News, the Papyrus type face, and Rush Limbaugh).

The fact that Axe has become the popular shower replacement nationwide is more than slightly disconcerting. Apparently, a Wal-Mart in Minneapolis has had such a problem with people shoplifting this product, that they've taken to locking it up behind the cosmetics counter... because so much gets lifted, DAILY, that they RUN. OUT.

No. Really.

Listen... it has been close to, and sometimes OVER 90 degrees outside for the majority of this summer. It is hot. It is humid. People are sweaty and all around disgusting after their daily commutes and whatnot. The world is a crowded place. We all have to live in it. The least we can do, for the consideration of the person stuck on the train next to us, is: Take. A. Fucking. Shower.

Guys - a quick spritz of your cheap-ass smelling Axe will not mask your stank - despite what their commercials will have you believe. They are lying! Do not let them fool you! You are still a stank bastard! SHOWER. SHOWERING IS THE ONLY WAY TO SOLVE THIS.

I wonder if Axe Headquarters is filled with people who never bathe and just dowse themselves with their product whenever they feel "unfresh." Can you imagine? Their staff restrooms all have attendants with bottles of Axe, the way that fancy restaurants have snooty perfumes and not-so-fancy restaurants have AquaNet? When they're done with the facilities, instead of washing their hands, the attendant just sprays some "Tsunami" at them and sends them on their way?

Honestly, with their advertising, I wouldn't be surprised.