Word Vomit » Beauty http://www.word-vomit.org The verbal musings of Chestykins & The T. Thu, 03 Jun 2010 14:18:40 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.8.4 en hourly 1 You Know You Ghetto When… http://www.word-vomit.org/2009/10/you-know-you-ghetto-when/ http://www.word-vomit.org/2009/10/you-know-you-ghetto-when/#comments Fri, 09 Oct 2009 14:43:37 +0000 The Black Boy Wonder http://www.word-vomit.org/?p=1282 I found this lovely gem while searching on Craigslist this morning. I don't understand people sometimes, but ghetto folks I get in a heartbeat. This post was not a shocker at all, just fundamentally retarded.

SEW-IN WEAVE (Hollis)

I need some one to show me how to close MY OWN sew-in weave. Please be able to explain this very well as I wont be able to see what you're doing. Thanks.

  • Location: Hollis
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
  • Compensation: No pay

Does she not have any friends who can help with this? Or maybe even the place she got her weave done could offer some troubleshooting advice for when weaves go awry? To top it off, she's not even breakin' off a couple of bucks for services rendered. Thanks for nothing Bumbquesha!

]]> http://www.word-vomit.org/2009/10/you-know-you-ghetto-when/feed/ 1 Wash Yo Ass http://www.word-vomit.org/2009/08/wash-yo-ass/ http://www.word-vomit.org/2009/08/wash-yo-ass/#comments Thu, 27 Aug 2009 12:32:17 +0000 Chestykins http://www.word-vomit.org/?p=1136 I've mentioned this here before, but I'm feeling the need to say it again: Axe Deodorant Spray is evil. In fact, when the oceans swallow us and the planet implodes, I think we'll be able to safely say that Axe Deodorant Spray was on the immediate short list of Things Responsible for the Downfall of Civilization (other things on this list include, but are not limited to: Reality Television, Clothing for Pets, Fox News, the Papyrus type face, and Rush Limbaugh).

The fact that Axe has become the popular shower replacement nationwide is more than slightly disconcerting. Apparently, a Wal-Mart in Minneapolis has had such a problem with people shoplifting this product, that they've taken to locking it up behind the cosmetics counter... because so much gets lifted, DAILY, that they RUN. OUT.

No. Really.

Listen... it has been close to, and sometimes OVER 90 degrees outside for the majority of this summer. It is hot. It is humid. People are sweaty and all around disgusting after their daily commutes and whatnot. The world is a crowded place. We all have to live in it. The least we can do, for the consideration of the person stuck on the train next to us, is: Take. A. Fucking. Shower.

Guys - a quick spritz of your cheap-ass smelling Axe will not mask your stank - despite what their commercials will have you believe. They are lying! Do not let them fool you! You are still a stank bastard! SHOWER. SHOWERING IS THE ONLY WAY TO SOLVE THIS.

I wonder if Axe Headquarters is filled with people who never bathe and just dowse themselves with their product whenever they feel "unfresh." Can you imagine? Their staff restrooms all have attendants with bottles of Axe, the way that fancy restaurants have snooty perfumes and not-so-fancy restaurants have AquaNet? When they're done with the facilities, instead of washing their hands, the attendant just sprays some "Tsunami" at them and sends them on their way?

Honestly, with their advertising, I wouldn't be surprised.

]]> http://www.word-vomit.org/2009/08/wash-yo-ass/feed/ 1 The True Born On Date. http://www.word-vomit.org/2009/08/the-true-born-on-date/ http://www.word-vomit.org/2009/08/the-true-born-on-date/#comments Fri, 14 Aug 2009 17:18:24 +0000 The T http://www.word-vomit.org/?p=1072

I'm declaring a new law.

All women must post the year they were born on their lower back.  The world will run a hell of  a lot smoother and I can then get rid of my ID scanner. ( or at least stop carrying it to bars )

That is all...

]]> http://www.word-vomit.org/2009/08/the-true-born-on-date/feed/ 0 Naked Girl + Magazine Cover + Writing On Her Body=Trying to Save a Horrible Magazine. http://www.word-vomit.org/2009/06/naked-girl-magazine-cover-writing-on-her-bodytrying-to-save-a-horrible-magazine/ http://www.word-vomit.org/2009/06/naked-girl-magazine-cover-writing-on-her-bodytrying-to-save-a-horrible-magazine/#comments Wed, 03 Jun 2009 17:57:47 +0000 The Black Boy Wonder http://www.word-vomit.org/?p=647 So Esquire must be struggling. It's been limping along for a while now and has not been a relevant periodical in a very, long time.  Even though it gave birth to the racy men's magazines in 30's...not so much now. However, when I saw this little ditty online today and thought artistically, it was awesome. That's partially due to the fact that she's got the intro to a new Stephen King short story written on her in different typefaces. Not because it had Bar Refaeli (who's beautiful btw) on the front.  I also thought, man they must be in trouble! It looks like a Rolling Stone cover or one for Maxim. No matter the cover, it still won't change the fact that the magazine sucks.

]]> http://www.word-vomit.org/2009/06/naked-girl-magazine-cover-writing-on-her-bodytrying-to-save-a-horrible-magazine/feed/ 0 Get Your Staten Island Bouffant! http://www.word-vomit.org/2009/04/get-your-staten-island-bouffant/ http://www.word-vomit.org/2009/04/get-your-staten-island-bouffant/#comments Wed, 29 Apr 2009 11:47:52 +0000 The T http://www.word-vomit.org/?p=403
Tired of that flat annoying hair. Do you want to look like all those rich, material girls you see on TV.  Now you can, with BUMPITS'. You can look like your going to the prom, every single day of you life. Don't you worry, those Guidos will be taking you out for a steak dinner in no time.

Just listen to this satisfied cutomer.

"Oww my god, it's like the tawk of the tawn." (Yes that's spell just like she talks. lol)

Gabrina from Staten Island

]]> http://www.word-vomit.org/2009/04/get-your-staten-island-bouffant/feed/ 1 Super 14 Jersey Swap: Gay Item of The Month http://www.word-vomit.org/2009/04/super-14-jersey-swap-gay-item-of-the-month/ http://www.word-vomit.org/2009/04/super-14-jersey-swap-gay-item-of-the-month/#comments Mon, 20 Apr 2009 00:58:07 +0000 The Black Boy Wonder http://www.word-vomit.org/?p=351

I don't know who Adidas made this site for, but creating a Flash-based website dedicated to watching shirtless Soccer players swap jerseys doesn't seem very straight guy to me.  That'll grab the attention of the girl/the homo-kind. So I speak for all the gay staff members of Word Vomit (it's just me by the way), this is Marketing Innovation at its best! They even had the foresight to add a Slo-Mo Replay! You're even able to print out a personalized poster of the shirtless player with your name on it. Awesome job Adidas! Click here for Super 14 Jersey Swap.

]]> http://www.word-vomit.org/2009/04/super-14-jersey-swap-gay-item-of-the-month/feed/ 1 Definition of Nostalgia – Shopper’s Village is Back http://www.word-vomit.org/2009/04/definition-of-nostalgia-shoppers-village-is-back/ http://www.word-vomit.org/2009/04/definition-of-nostalgia-shoppers-village-is-back/#comments Sat, 18 Apr 2009 20:28:35 +0000 The T http://www.word-vomit.org/?p=342

I can imagine it now. The sounds of arcade machines going off. Garlic and spices filling the air from the pickle people.  Aisles and aisles, like a large haunting labyrinth of vendors selling things at mere pennies to the dollar. That's right people, it's back. The monument of childhood, Shopper's Village, is coming back. You ready?  I am........

]]> http://www.word-vomit.org/2009/04/definition-of-nostalgia-shoppers-village-is-back/feed/ 0 Sorry Jersey Girls, NO BRAZIL FOR YOU! http://www.word-vomit.org/2009/03/sorry-jersey-girls-no-brazil-for-you/ http://www.word-vomit.org/2009/03/sorry-jersey-girls-no-brazil-for-you/#comments Fri, 20 Mar 2009 12:11:34 +0000 The T http://www.word-vomit.org/?p=240 New Jersey's Ban on Brizilian Waxes

I feel bad for all those hairy Hoboken girls, this summer. Seems as if New Jersey is considering a ban on all "Bikini and Brazilian Waxes." If passed,  the ban will take effect right before the start of the summer season.  That only means one thing, we'll be seeing a lot more than just seaweed floating up on the shores of Jones Beach. ( If you know what I mean) I can't help but to feel bad for some of the men in this situation.

I love the way Metro News describes the different type of waxes, and the damn Heading is hysterical. ( best Heading ever ! I wish I though of that one. )

Some ways to ‘clear-cut the forest’

Sphinx or Hollywood:
Everything off: front, back, sides, the lot. Totally bald.

The Triangle:
All hair is removed except for a sharply trimmed triangle.

The Mustache:
Everything is removed except for a wide, rectangular patch.

According to New Jersey State Board of Cosmetology, the ban is because 2 women complained that they had gotten blotches and serious infections. So girls you know now who to blame for your lack of beauty this summer.

P.S.  What about all those girls, I seem walking around with, ripped off lips, heavy irritation, and all other types of shit. You don't hear them complaining.

Lastly

Let's take a moment of silence for the Jersey strippers..............

Let's pray, for your own sake that you find a underground beauty parlor, because I know for damn sure, you aren't getting a dime out of me with that hairy ass shit!

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