The Pants on the Ground Man is awful. He auditioned for this season of American Idol last week and is now an instant sensation. All for what? Because he remembered how he was when he was slave? This is ridiculous. This man is dancing around like a clown and we're cheering him on. Yes there is a message in the song. Hell, I agree with him, but could you have not made a fool of yourself to do so? We are making fun of him and not even realizing it. I can't wait until this 15 minutes of fame is up because MLK is rolling over in his grave right now. I don't think he meant this when he said we shall overcome.

As of now, The Pants on the Ground song gets put on the list of the Top 20 things that will bring back slavery. Right next to the McDonald's McRib sandwich.

On a related note: Guitar Hero advertisers - please remove the commercial featuring the way too young and socially awkward David Archuleta doing a terrifying and uncomfortable Tom Cruise in Risky Business imitation from the air waves immediately. The one of David Cook may stay. Thank you.

I wish I'd taken a photograph of the screen, but I didn't bring my phone with me to the gym, so this is a simulated version:

Not even slightly exaggerating.

You know, watching this kid is painful enough without having to imagine him gurgling incoherently into a microphone.

Also, I know he's like five years old, but if someone would please let him know that the line is "Imagine all the people, sharing ALL the world" and not "sharing FOR the world," that'd be great, 'cause he's probably going to sing it all.the.fucking.time. Incorrectly.

So yeah, anyway, the kid's going to win tonight. That's obvious. The sad part is, he's not at all ready for it. I actually think he might collapse to the floor and assume the fetal position... after he piddles all over himself.

David Cook has "Record Contract" written all over him, but as with all electoral systems in this country, the voting is plagued by morons. Oh wells. I'm sure he'll do fine, along with the rest of the top 6ish. He sang I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For last night, which was awesome because I've never seen anyone do U2 on this show. He should have done Pride (In the Name of Love) since his voice is much more suited to the lower register and he's not Bono, so he can't get away with that shit.

The fan songs are always so awful. They should just release their best cover as their first single and then let the new stuff come with their albums. This Is My Now? A Moment Like This? I Just Threw Up In My Mouth a Little? Please. We have enough air pollution, no room for more. ]]> http://www.word-vomit.org/2008/05/american-idol-what/feed/ 0 http://www.word-vomit.org/2008/04/dear-american-idol-voters/ http://www.word-vomit.org/2008/04/dear-american-idol-voters/#comments Fri, 25 Apr 2008 01:55:26 +0000 Chestykins http://www.word-vomit.org/?p=34 ...what?

Seriously? People? Are you deaf? Or just retarded?

Do any of you think that Jason Castro even knows where he is?

Siiiigh.

Okay, honestly: I hate this show. With a burning passion, I do. My sister happens to watch every single reality TV show known to man, which is how I really wound up watching American Idol. It's kind of like watching someone get hit by a speeding bus - it's awful, but you just can't look away. Frankly, I don't see the point in the whole contest aspect of it. Pretty much everyone who makes it as far as the top 12 is going to walk away with a recording contract. Why not just give away 10 good deals and 2 awesome ones and call it a day? Is it really necessary to take up 2 pointless hours of air time in my living room every week?

The whole point of the show is to be a singing contest, yes? I've only seen the tail end of last season and the past 2-3 weeks of this one, but I know one thing for sure - it is anything but a singing contest. It's a popularity contest, at best. It's rare that the most talented, professional contestant will actually take the prize. Many of them get eliminated before the final 12 line-up is completed - they can be practically boxed as record sellers, but give the viewers a blonde with long legs, a swishy boy with entertaining hair, or a stoner with a "charming" personality and we can all wave bye-bye to anyone who might actually have longevity in the music business. Though, as I've already mentioned, they're all going to get signed to something anyway... so WHY BOTHER?  Aside from watching Simon Cowell be obnoxious, yet, constructive (and also sexy - yes, I said it... though seriously, please, someone help him with that square hair style he's got going on) the show has absolutely NO POINT.

Speaking of constructive - people always boo Simon for his criticisms, but he's the only one of the judges who ever has anything useful to say. Paula Abdul, as I've mentioned before, must be the most vapid person on the planet. She can't even string a sentence without 5 second pauses at each word. She never gives any kind of constructive comments - it's always "you're so beautiful" "your hair looks great" "you're a star" "never change" and other high school year book staples. This does nothing for people who truly, TRULY suck. Randy Jackson is not quite as bad, but pretty close. "Yo, yo... so check it out, dawg... it was a little pitchy." That's... about all he's got. Dawg. Simon opens his mouth and actually says things that could be (GOD FORBID) useful to the contestant. Perhaps push them in the direction they need to go to boost their technique, an everyone freaks out. Paula shakes her head in disgust... or confusion, I think, because sometimes she probably doesn't understand the words. But, holy crap, people. His job is not to coddle. The actual business isn't like that. If they're not prepared to handle the critique, then they should just suck it up and go home.

I feel that someone owes me an explanation as to why this show needs to exist. Anyone. And "because it's entertaining" is not enough. Showtime At the Apollo is also entertaining and often has more talented vocalists. Someone go give those people record contracts.